Reasons, but no rhymes.

Your ex is your ex for a reason, whatever that may be.
And if you doubt that your current is right for you,
make it an ex for that reason may be reasonable.

I wrote that another place and thought I worded it good.
About exes, I've been talking a lot about my last one. I got lost somewhere and people around me saw me hurt, without me understanding how bad it really was. The few who told me what they saw couldn't make a difference, the change had to come from me.

Warning signals:

  • If your partner tells you one thing one day and the opposite the next day - not Right.
  • If your partner seems to be bothered by your presence - not Right
  • If your partner mocks you when you're weak - not Right

On the other hand
  • If you smile at the sheer thought of your partner - may be Right
  • If you feel that you can say anything to them - may be Right
  • If you're comfortable being a little weak in front of them - may be Right

Don't you wish it was all this easy? I'm not an expert on relationships, but gods I wish I was.
It's all just trial and error, isn't it? My exes weren't right for me, for so many different reasons, and now I'm with a man so totally different from most of them.

People spend a lot of time wasting energy on wanting to get back with their exes. I apply baseball rules - three strikes and you're out, meaning that if we break up thrice there is no fourth time.

My last ex broke up with me twice in anger. The first time we we're on a couch watching TV and I wanted to tell him that I had plans for which he could not come along. He exploded, screamed and cursed. I almost fell to the floor when he hurriedly got off flew off the couch.
When he finally calmed down, he told me that he felt like I had spit him in the face. Where I thought I was calmly telling him that the ceremony I was going to was "members-only" and him not being "member" I couldn't bring him, he heard me saying that he was a moron and I didn't want anything to do with him. The second time I remember less vividly, but it was basically the same. Me saying something, him misunderstanding my meaning, and him exploding, leaving me confused at what happened.
Why did I still take him back? I'm not sure.

Why take your ex back? In general, if people take their exes back, it's usually for wrong reasons.
If your partner has broken up in anger, why take them back when they're calm again?
If you broke up due to personality mismatch, what makes you think the next time around it will be better?

People fascinate me. The human mind is enigmatic. Why do people do the things they do?

Kommentarer
Postat av: Joe

"I got lost somewhere and people around me saw me hurt, without me understanding how bad it really was. The few who told me what they saw couldn't make a difference, the change had to come from me."



I showed up towards the end of that... relationship. Have a hard time calling it that from what I got to hear, heh.



And I was one of the ones telling you what I thought it was doing to you mentally. (At the time, just as a friend, as we weren't a couple then.)



You pretty much hit that on the head there. It was obvious even to me coming in at the tail end of that relationship that it was sucking the life out of you. I'm glad you had the strength to realize that and do something about it.



I've since had a close up view of how you've changed since then. You went from being closed off to attempting to get back into a life. You've started working on other issues that have been either dragging you down or just don't seem to fit in your life anymore. You're aiming more for who you are now and who you want to be, rather than continuing the same path you used to, that was only bringing you down.



Basically, you're showing a lot more emotional strength than was seen when we first were getting to know each other. You've made quite a many changes in yourself and how you look at things in the relatively little time I've known you, and you've managed them completely on your own and despite ongoing issues. It takes a person of very strong will to do what you have to your life of late. Very admirable.



Your warnings and "on the other hand"s seem pretty spot on. Only the tip of the iceberg, though. Relationships are quite complex... you can generally know it's good though if it "feels easy". Ironic to an extent. It does tend to boil down to the simple question of "are you happily in love with this person", it's the definition of happy that gets complex.



"If your partner has broken up in anger, why take them back when they're calm again?"



I'd think this more a circumstance thing.



If it's a one-off anger heat-of-the-moment thing where there's normally no anger in the relationship, then there may be a point to getting back together if outside-of-that-moment circumstances would warrant it.



If they regularly get angry, then definitely not seeing the point in getting back together. If you all you do is argue, that's hell, not love.



"If you broke up due to personality mismatch, what makes you think the next time around it will be better?"



This is... yeah. The only way to get around a personality mismatch is for someone or both to change, act differently, not truly be themselves.



If you need the person you're with to change just to be with them, then you're with the wrong person.



You may not be an "expert" on relationships, but honestly, noone is. What works for some may not for others, and it's tricky finding "what's right" for a specific person.



We can only live and learn, and hope to do better next time.



It is definitely important not to change because a partner says to, as what that partner is wanting someone else, not you.



There's always some compromise in any relationship, but it should never be to the point where it makes either feel uncomfortable or "not themself". There's a line in there somewhere.



When it comes to complete personality clashes, or someone forcing the partner to be someone they're not, "three strikes" is way too many.



And now, I've babbled on long enough. ;)

2010-05-21 @ 16:26:17
URL: http://burntheinter.net

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