You bother me because you think you do.

A person I talk to a lot sometimes bothers me by calling, no matter what I'm currently doing. I've realized why.
When he calls me he might say things like "are you busy? 'Cos I can talk to you later", or if I'm with a friend he'll quickly say "I will let you go" and want to hang up. So, he is calling me with his mind set in the state of worrying about bothering me, which makes it bothering to me.

When I call someone, which I rarely do, since it's something I have a problem with, I never expect to be disturbing someone. I have my mind set on telling someone something important, or funny, or asking an important question.

Wheter or not you are bothering someone by calling, is about what mindset you give them. If you apologize for calling, and basically make excuses for yourself, they will be bothered by you.
On the other hand, if you make them feel happy that you called, if you make them feel like they can help you with something important, or make them feel happy that they are the ones you want to share something with, you won't be a bother.

People too often apologize for themselves. You can make experiments, if you dare.
"I have an idea... maybe it's stupid, but I was thinking that maybe we could /.../"
will not get the same response as
"Guys! I have an idea! It may be a little crazy, but I think it's good."

My ex-girlfriend was one of the most shut-down, tightly closed, people I've ever known. She was extremely bothering when I first got to know her, but through a lot of autodidact psychology I helped her change. I taught her to act like she want people to see her.

I am a shy person. Which is why I tell people how shy I am. I never do it in a shy manner, though. I say it matter-of-factly, which makes most people disagree, thus perciving me as a not-shy person, thus making me less shy. Because I act the way people percieve me, and I can affect how they percieve me.

If you are currently thinking I'm arguing two opposites, don't worry, I am.

Step one is you deciding how you want to be seen.
Step two is getting yourself in that mindset.
Step three is when people reflect that mindset onto you.
Step four is when you act based on what people have reflected onto you.

Say that I for some reason have to do a speech for a group of people. I have it prepared, written down and I know exactly what I'm going to say.

I walk into the room,staring into the floor, fumbles with getting the door closed behind me, hurry up on the podium shifty-eyed and not really looking at anyone. I am soo nervous, have a slouchy posture. I finally dare to look at the audience, sweat breaks on my forehead, and I start to speak with a unnatural, quiet voice.
How do you think the audience felt about my speech?

Rewind. I walk into the room, do a brief look around, greet the audience, turn to close the door behind me. I walk up to the podium, smile, and make eye-contact with some of the people. I am confident, I know I prepared a good speech and that it will interest people. I have a good posture and a good mood when I take a breath and start to speak naturally.
How did that feel to the audience?

Beware of trying to force a mindset on people. If you feel like you're the most awesome person in the world, but really don't act like it, no one will think that you are.
Imagine a guy at a bar, he thinks he is the coolest, sexiest guy in the world. Now, that doesn't matter, if what he does is pinching girl's butts when they walk past, being sarcastic to the bartender, name-dropping celebrities, and makes you feel like a small person. A really awesome person wouldn't act like that.
The next time someone is trying to look down their nose at you, don't let it get to you. If they feel like they need to act like that to you, it proves that they are not as good as they think, and it might also mean that they feel threatened by you.


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