Why is depression a shame?
http://www.health.com/health/gallery/0,,20312087_1,00.html
inspired my blogentry. 10 cost-free tips to fight depression.
A lot of people are depressed. Some are for a limited time, some never get well. Yes, for some people depression is a chronic state, often with periods of feeling better and of feeling worse.
Depression often gets compared to having a broken bone. When you have a broken bone people can compare to their own experiences and sympathize, but when your soul is broken, a lot of people look down their noses at you.
For a person with depression, in most cases it's too hard to tell the truth. "Sorry I'm late, I had an anxiety attack last night and couldn't sleep", is not something you hear often. Instead people make something up, like traffic congestion or their wathces having stopped or other more or less plausible reasons.
I've never understood why I have to feel ashamed that I have a depression.
It's not like I've done something wrong, nor is it contagious. As opposed to most depressed people, I don't feel that I'm useless to the world, I do not think "the world would be better without me". I know that I'm valuable to other people, it's just that my life has no value to me personally.
Most days I'm fine, but then I get an over-whelming feeling of not being able to take it anymore.
Some people, when getting told that I am sick, ask if it's anything they can do to help.
Short answer:
- No, there isn't.
Long answer: Are you willing to take a phone call from me in the middle of the night, when I cry so much any words I speak are inaudible? Are you willing to come to my house to just keep me company for a smoke when I'm too paranoid to go out alone? Are you willing to call me each day to make sure I remember to eat?
I would never ask anyone to do those things. I have my best buddy, and he does all that for me, but most of the time I have to cope alone. And it's good for me to cope alone.
I flew in November. The first time I took a plane for nine years, and the first time alone. I thought I would be crying and panicking, I had anxiety-relief pills in my bag. But guess what? I was strong enough.
During the whole flight there, I didn't take any pills. Because my best friend had told me "you can do this", and I did. If he instead had said "I understand that this must be so hard for you, flying alone and all, going to unknown places", I would've freaked out. So yes, there is a way people can help, by simply stating that I can. Beware, though, for pushing a depressed person, you can accidentally make it so much worse.
How well do You think you know me? Did You know I have depression?
Well, you told me :)
In any case, no there isn't anything wrong with having a depression, just as it isn't anything wrong with any other kind of illness or handicap. The main reason I broke up with the father of the twins was that he had a depression for many years - it wasn't his fault, and I never thought that, but I could not live with him and raise a family with him. Of course we're both much happier with our current spouses.
But just because I could not stay in love with him when he was depressed for so long doesn't mean that nobody can love and live with a depressed person (obviously), just that I couldn't.
But unless I'm (supposedly)sharing housework and raising kids with the person in question I have no problems with the fact that quite a few of my friends are clinically depressed. It could be if I tried to carry their burdens, but I have enough of those of my own and just try to listen and be a good friend.
